Times like these
by namichan89
Summary: Ten years have passed by since Ritsuka and Soubi met for the first time. Many things have changed, many problems have been solved, others are still there - because they are still living together as roommates. Will there be a chance for something more?
1. Chapter 1

**Times like these – A Loveless-FanFic by namichan89**

**It's been a while, my dear readers, that I wrote my first fanfic – a Loveless one.**

**And I made a mistake yesterday. I stood before my book shelf and wondered which manga I should take to read before going to sleep – and I took the first volume of Loveless again, because I didn't take a look at those for quite some time.**

**Well, I had an idea, and here it is ^^ **

**Disclaimers: Well, the usual stuff. Of course, I don't own Loveless. This story features Yaoi, adult content like maleXmale sex scenes and probably hard language. As always – don't like, don't read. Otherwise: have fun!**

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Kio Kaidou pushed the small button beside the entrance door. The letters on the sign were pale and worn out. However, he didn't care, because he knew who lived in this place anyway. Footsteps could be noticed through the door shortly after he heard the ringing sound of the bell.

A tall, blonde man opened the door. His long hair was gathered in a high ponytail, though a few strands of hair that had escaped it fell into his face, where they embraced the circular-shaped glasses.

„Oh, hi Kio! Didn't expect you that early," he said while stepping to the side to let the other one in.

„Aren't you happy to see me already, Soubi? But well, good afternoon," Kio sighed dramatically and smiled at his friend.

Kicking his shoes off, he entered the living room of the flat. „Where's Ritsuka?"

„Still at the university, he's got to do some research in the library, and you know how long that can take. And he wanted to buy some food on the way home," Soubi answered before returning to his atelier.

„You are still working on that project?"

„Yes, I couldn't finish it yesterday."

„You'll never change," Kio laughed, „always finish your stuff just in time and deliver it when the color is still wet..." he still chuckled as he eyed the painting. „What is it this time for?"

„For the living room of a high business man who apparently saw one of my pictures in an exhibition lately."

His former co-student whistled accretively. Soubi had really come a long way since their graduate degree, working currently as a freelance artist.

„Short change of topic, though, I came over to ask you about tomorrow. What will we do? Party here or should we go out?" he asked.

Soubi's gaze left the canvas to look into Kio's eyes. „I don't feel like throwing a big party. I think we'll stay here."

„It's your 30th birthday and you don't 'feel like throwing a big party'? Seriously?"

„Well, yes. I rather like to spend my time here with you and Ritsuka. We can have a beer or two and that's it."

„Sometimes, I don't understand you."

„No one says you have to," Soubi smiled at him, „I wonder what Ritsuka's going to present to me."

Kio rolled his eyes. „I still can't believe you haven't come to terms with him in ten years now."

„That's the way it is," the taller one simply answered before taking his brush and turning back to his painting.

* * *

Ritsuka decided to take the shortcut through the park on his way home. The leaves of the trees had turned to a beautiful deep red and orange during the past few weeks, as autumn had come once more. With a silent sigh, his eyes wandered to a small clearing, hidden in a corner of the park, where the trees stood close together. He knew that there was a wooden bench and table – the place where he had met and collected memories with Soubi for the first time. And their first kiss, of course. The thought brought a faint blush to his face.

He was shocked as he recalculated and realized that it had been ten years since then. Ten years had passed by and so much had happened in the meantime.

When he finally could state to himself, that the mental illness of his mother wasn't his fault and that he wasn't the one who should have a therapy because of that, he had decided to leave the house he he had never looked at as his real home as soon as he had come of age. That plan had worked out pretty well and he immediately had moved in with Soubi. Kio had to relocate anyway due to the job he had accepted after his studies. Soubi on the other hand was working as a freelancer from then, but with the fact that he earned more money now, he also wanted to move into a larger flat, he needed a larger atelier – that way, they had ended up in their current place.

Since that day, they spent every day with each other, sharing the flat as roommates. Living with Soubi was easy, Ritsuka had noticed. Their habits hadn't changed much since the time he had been living with Kio – he still slept in the older one's bed most of the time. His own bed was mostly covered with books and loose sheets of paper of his studies anyway, his desk couldn't hold them all.

Of course, he occasionally cleaned up when it had to be done. There had been several girlfriends in his life and they didn't like the chaos he was living in, obviously. Another short sigh escaped his lips at that thought. It never lasted long, and sooner or later, every girl had told him he was weird or didn't care enough about their relationship. He had gotten used to it.

Today was different, though. As he had wandered through the park lost in thought, he had reached the apartment building in no time. Ritsuka's gaze fell onto the windows on the second floor, where he could see Soubi painting. His atelier was there. The black-haired young man smiled to himself and grabbed into his pockets for the key.

* * *

The clicking sound of the entrance door's lock made Soubi squirm and look up from his painting.

„Soubi, I'm home!" was shouted through the rooms, followed by the muffled noise of shoes that were tossed aside.

„Welcome, Ritsuka!" he shouted back and laid his brush down on the small table beside the canvas. The painting pinafore took the same way before he made a short wave in Kio's direction, to invite him to follow. As he stepped outside the door, he opened up his hair tie to let it float down as usual – just to run into Ritsuka. The younger one stood before him, blushing and staring into his eyes. But the moment passed by quickly.

Ritsuka turned his head down to the side, the mid-long hair falling into his eyes. It was shorter than it was when they first met, but Soubi knew well enough that the black-haired man refused to let it grow – because he looked too much like Seimei that way. The older one raised his hand to nuzzle the jet black hair strands softly.

No cat ears restricted him from doing that - they hadn't for three years. Would they still be there, then his hand would be laying just between them.

„Thanks for shopping," the blonde said as he noticed the bags in the younger one's hands. „We should put it into the fridge."

„Yes, we should," Ritsuka mumbled and turned to the kitchen, where they silently began to refill the fridge. Kio had followed.

Without looking at his roommate, Ritsuka asked: „May I... uhm... cook for you tomorrow? Or do you want to go out?"

Soubi straightened up to his full hight, surprised. „No, I didn't want to go out. If you want to cook for us, I would be very happy," he smiled.

„Good, because I bought some things for tomorrow. And beer."

„The beer is all that matters!" Kio laughed from the backside of the room.

„- to you," Soubi added, still smiling.

As he looked back at the younger one, he noticed a smile there too, but it was shy and not at all Ritsuka-like. „Thank you, Ritsuka," he repeated. Something wasn't right.

* * *

A few hours later, Soubi lay in his bed, staring into the moon that shone through the windows. It felt large and way too big, as it had for the past months.

Ritsuka's good-night-wishes had been short, as they had been for the past months.

And the place beside him was cold, as it had been for the past months.

It really sucked when Ritsuka had a girlfriend. Soubi sighed quietly. He turned 30 tomorrow and he still didn't get to having a relationship with the man he loved since ten years. His small sacrifice, merely 12 years old when he first met him ten years ago, had turned into a charming young man with beautiful, gleaming black eyes. No wonder that he turned heads everywhere – and Soubi couldn't do anything about it.

Another sigh.

Suddenly, he heard a soft knock at the door. _Could it be...?_

There it was again, just two single, soft knocks. He hadn't just imagined them.

„Come in!"

The door opened with a creaking sound for Ritsuka to enter the room. He quickly slipped under the sheets to lay his head onto Soubi's shoulder.

„Why don't you just tell me what's up, Ritsuka? I know that something bothers you."

For a minute, the younger one didn't say a word.

„She broke up with me today. Just like that, when I finally thought it would work. You know, the whole thing, a stable relationship with a woman, and Kotoko seemed to match with me the most... and now, after over half a year, this."

„What did she say?" Soubi responded. He knew that the other one just wanted to talk, it wouldn't help to just pity him – which he did anyway. The older one decided to just pull him into a tight embrace.

„That she didn't feel like being loved by me. She said she couldn't imagine a future with me, at least not as her boyfriend. I would be nothing more than a friend to her and she didn't love me any more," Ritsuka wrapped his arms around the older one's waist and buried his head at his chest. His whole body trembled. _Still a part of his childhood trauma. _As Soubi gently began to stroke his back, running his hands up and down, the black-haired one slowly calmed down.

„Don't be sad, Ritsuka, it won't help. Just look into the future. Other women also have pretty daughters. And I'm there for you whenever you need me."

„I know, Soubi, I know."

„So is it okay if I say_ it_ again?"

„No, it's not. They are still forbidden words," Ritsuka sighed.

„But I am allowed to give you a good-night-kiss again?" _Because you never let me when you have a girlfriend._

The younger one didn't answer, he just pulled away to look into Soubi's eyes in the dim moonlight before he closed them – and waited. How on earth should he resist those sweet, full lips presented to him like that? The blonde man leaned down and pressed his lips down on them, moving carefully and gently and maybe a bit too long for a simple peck on the mouth. Ritsuka responded to his moves pleasurably._ By God, it feels good to do that again._ As he pulled away, Soubi had to restrain himself from continuing this kiss.

„Good night, Ritsuka," he just said instead, his voice deep as always, but a bit husky.

The addressed one's gaze shifted to the clock on the wall and back to the blonde. „Happy Birthday, Soubi," he just answered. It was past midnight by now.

And before he could do anything about it, the younger one had laid one hand onto his neck and pulled him down into another kiss – a kiss that actually _deserved _to be called a kiss. Innocent and sweet, but also loving and caring, and ongoing for quite a while. Soubi felt the other one's tongue tuck at his lips, begging for entrance, which he granted gladly. His tongue enjoyed every little bit of contact that it had been denied for way too long, and he tasted Ritsuka as much as he could, with all his senses. He moved his hands restlessly on the other one's back and tried hard to keep them under control.

If he didn't stop this kiss, he wouldn't be able to promise that nothing would happen tonight.

Panting heavily, he pulled away from the younger one's seductive lips. Although he regretted it immediately, Soubi knew it had to be done.

„Thank you," he answered while still wondering, when the time would come that Ritsuka would actually realize that all his girlfriends had been nothing more than an excuse.

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**So, that's chapter one :) It was just an idea that came to my mind spontaneously, if you liked it – please let me know :) Leave a review or a mail, I would be very happy. **

**I still have no idea what will happen in chapter 2, I haven't even written it out (which is very untypical for me).  
**

**See you in chapter 2 ~ hopefully :)**

***waves* namichan **


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**My dear readers, thank you so much for the reviews and mail! I cannot describe how happy you're making me :) (Just to explain, I was writing some poorly reviewed Kyou kara maou Fanfics over the past months and almost thought that the people don't like my stories any more :/) So, please more! :D There's no better motivation for me to write!**

**I'm so sorry that it took me so long to upload the next chapter, but as I said, I hadn't written it out yet and I had to rewrite it because of various reasons... there's a flashback in here that I wanted to do later, but decided that it made more sense right here. So, yes, there will be a few flashbacks later on as well.**

**Enough said, the story continues... This story isn't that romantic yet, I know – there will be some, of course, but later – and this chapter will include a bit of angst.**

**Warnings: contains physical violence and hard language. And smut. Aw yeah :3

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As Ritsuka woke up embraced by two strong arms that kept him cozy and warm, he didn't even want to open his eyes. He just wanted to lay in this very spot forever. Although today was the day of Soubi's birthday party, it was also a regular friday – and he had to go to university today.

Soubi's breath against his ear was still regular and quiet when Ritsuka finally opened his eyes to take a look at the clock. Half past 6 a. m. and with a short look at the window, he noticed the warm light of the rising sun on the cloudless sky. _Perfect weather to have a good morning jog_, he thought and carefully tried not to wake the blonde man when he wound himself out of his arms. Soubi was a light sleeper – usually – but he seemed to be fast asleep as the younger one left the room.

With a short sigh, Ritsuka got dressed and left the house to take his usual round through the nearby park. At this early hour, no one was seen around here, which was also part of the reason why he preferred this place so much for jogging. The black-haired twen took a deep breath of the fresh autumn air – it became colder from day to day, but he liked that. Right now, the temperature was perfect.

In the clear morning sun, he became fully aware once more, how immensely things had changed compared to his situation five years ago, when he was merely seventeen and still had lived in his parent's house. It still hurt to think of his mother, of all the things she had done and said to him – one particular situation still hunting him even in his dreams.

* * *

_Ritsuka stood eye-to-eye to his mother as she hit him for the first time that day, a hard slap onto his left cheek. Immediately, it started to burn painfully and warmth was spreading over it. He blinked away the tears that welled up in his eyes and tried to ignore what she shouted into his face. He had heard those words thousands of times before, or at least it seemed like that to him. It was always the same and there was nothing he could do about it._

„_You're not my son! You've never been... - Where is Ritsuka?" she broke into tears. „You took him away from me, where is he? I hate you! I hate you so much!"_

_A second slap, right into his face, the right cheek this time. He couldn't prevent the tears flowing down any more. „I wished you'd never been born! You're nothing but a huge failure! Seimei was so much better than you..."_

_What she shouted then he didn't understand anymore. It was redundant - senseless, incoherent insults, interrupted just by her hands crushing down on him again and again. With her increasing level of rage, she didn't care where she hit him any more. Ritsuka felt his senses become dull and blunt, and he just tried to overcome it somehow, just tried to not provoke her any more. She would get to the point when she would break down and stop – and he just hoped that point would come soon._

_Ritsuka never understood if she was aware of the fact that she hit her own child, molested it, hurt it. And not only physically. With every word she destroyed his love for her some more. He always tried to do everything to please her, to be how she wanted him, he lied about food that didn't taste and about opinions he didn't have. Nothing had satisfied her. Day by day, it got worse._

_He came home from school, and when she was there, she would pursue him into a „talk", which most of the time resulted in either insults or punches. Or both. He didn't care any more, he couldn't change it, he couldn't change her. _

_That moment he realized, that she wasn't able to change him either. Only he himself could, if he wanted. Did he want to...?_

_As she balled her hand into his hair, pulling at it and throwing him to the floor, he howled in pain - he knew that this one would hurt more than usual. His hip crashed painfully onto the wooden floor and he had to gasp for air. Her foot connected hard to his body several times – first his shoulder, then his belly, his hip, his neither regions. He curled up to a ball, his body aching from the beginning bruises. Silent tears ran down his reddened cheeks. He just prayed for her to stop, but his prayer wasn't answered as he felt the foot again on his back, the impact causing him to loose breath again. If she went on like this, she would probably kill him, shot through his mind._

_Suddenly, it stopped. No kicks any more, no punches. As Ritsuka regained his senses again, he heard a familiar voice._

_Much to his surprise, it was his father. He had been at work, like he usually was when _these things_ happened. As he looked up, he saw that the man still wore his jacket, so he had apparently just come home._

„_Misaki! What are you doing!" he shouted as he gripped his wife's hands harshly. She tried desperately to wind herself out of his grip, but failed._

„_He's not my son! He's not Ritsuka!"_

„_Are you blind? Just look at him, he's the child you gave birth to! You're hurting him, don't you see how much? He's our own flesh and blood!" he shouted angry._

_She didn't respond. Ritsuka's surprise increased even more, he had never heard something like that from his father before. He had always looked aside whenever Misaki had one of her fits come around again. This was truly something new._

_The older man's eyes looked down at him worriedly and apologizing. „Ritsuka, I'm so sorry. I won't let this happen ever again, I promise. Please go to your room and call me when you need help, okay? I'll look after you as soon as I can."_

_The black-haired boy just nodded quickly and got to his feet, hurrying up the stairs to lock himself in his room._

_It was over._

_He fell onto his bed, his whole body aching from the hits and kicks. He never wanted to move again. Every single one of his limbs hurt. With his last power, he grabbed for the cell phone to call Soubi._

_His call was answered by the second ring. „Ritsuka?" he heard that familiar, deep, soft voice again, which made him break into tears._

„_Soubi..." Ritsuka managed to answer, his own voice muffled by the tears. His fighter didn't need any more words, though._

„_I'm on my way, give me five minutes."_

_Powerless, the boy left the cell phone where it was, he didn't even bother to close it. All that mattered was that Soubi would come. He closed his eyes._

_Ritsuka didn't know if he had passed out in the meantime, but when he woke, he felt a strong hand on his body, soothing his wounds, calming him down with caressing strokes. He opened his eyes lazily and met the blonde man's._

„_It's not your fault, never forget that," the latter said softly, kissing him on the forehead._

„_Soubi... I want to get out of here. As soon as I've come of age."_

„_I would appreciate that very much. You can move in with me if you want," the older one offered while putting the gaze bandages and patches aside. He took his seat on the edge of the bed again, reaching out his arms to carefully cradle the boy in them._

_Gratefully, Ritsuka rested his head at the broad, muscular chest, allowing himself to doze off to sleep. He needed it badly._

_And what he needed the most, he realized, was Soubi. Now that he was here, everything would be fine. Always.

* * *

_

Studying japanese literature wasn't easy, but it was perfect for Ritsuka – on days like these, though, he regretted to have chosen it. He'd rather like to go back home, to prepare their flat for the small birthday party, than sitting here at the library and searching for books. But the test was next week, he finally had to start learning for it. Unfortunately, it was important. Many other students already had holidays now.

He took another look at the clock, which seemed to be the twentieth time within the last ten minutes, the time just wouldn't want to pass by. The student sighed deeply.

Finally, the four o'clock bell rang. Ritsuka was sure that he had never left the college building that fast. But there was a lot he wanted to do today. And he had never been home any faster.

With a short look around, he could quickly spot Soubi in his atelier. He put his bag aside and went to his room without greeting his roommate. There was something he needed.

After he grabbed the little package, the black-haired student stepped towards the atelier and waited in the door frame.

„I'm home, Soubi," he said quietly.

„I know," the painter answered, an amused undertone clearly notable in his voice.

„I got something for you."

The blonde man turned around, a slight smirk on his face. Ritsuka reciprocated the smile. „Happy birthday again, and this is your present," he held the little box in his flat hand towards the older one.

„Thank you very much," Soubi answered happily, pulling the young man into a tight hug. Shyly, he wrapped his arms around the taller one's waist and squeezed him firmly. It still felt wonderful to be that near to him. When they parted again, he almost felt a bit frustrated. Suppressing a sigh, he realized that he needed a lot of body contact lately.

Meanwhile, the blonde man had unpacked the present. His eyes sparkled as he looked at the filigrane silver chain with the small, blue butterfly pendant.

„It's beautiful, thank you, Ritsuka," he quietly said. „Will you help me put it on?"

„Of course," the younger one responded and took the necklace out of Soubi's hands. As he closed it on the backside of the other one's neck, he was aware that this was almost another embrace. Not that he would mind.

When he was done, Soubi had already wrapped his arms around him anyway. Ritsuka earned another quiet gratitude in the form of a short kiss on his cheek.

He looked aside and blushed deeply when he realized that he would have preferred to have it on his mouth.

* * *

„Your t-turrrnn..." Ritsuka waved at Soubi. His view was blurry and he knew he shouldn't have drunk that much. He was a lightweight and that three bottles of beer were clearly one too much. They were playing a simple board game, though the young man was sure that neither Soubi nor Kio did clearly know what they did anymore.

At least, the whole cooking-thing had worked out – he had made some Misowan soup and Sushi for all of them, as he knew this was his roommate's favorite food. After that, they had started to play various games and it had ended with... well - _this_.

A sudden, muffled sound made him startle. As Ritsuka looked across the table, he noticed Kio had fallen to his side, his head rested onto a cushion on the floor.

„Are you alllllright?" he tried to pronounce the words correctly, but failed.

„He's.. ssshl... sssleeping," Soubi managed to babble. He gave the younger one a gleaming smile.

_He really makes a cute drunk, _Ritsuka thought. _What am I thinking... again?_

„We ssshould assss well..."

The blonde man nodded wordlessly and got to his feet, trying to hold his balance. He offered his hand to help Ritsuka to stand up as well, which he gratefully accepted. Their hands didn't part, though. The black-haired one pulled Soubi out of the kitchen and into the older one's room.

Soubi closed the door behind them, but as he turned around, he stumbled and almost fell to his knees. Quickly, the younger one stood at his side, grabbing his waist to support him.

„We had too much..." he stated, but leaving the sentence unfinished. Ritsuka simply nodded.

Soubi's hand had found its way around his waist as well by now. The mere physical closeness was electrifying to Ritsuka. Just to feel his friend that near, to smell his unique scent of menthol cigarettes and... well – _Soubi – _made his hormones go crazy. Blue eyes looked deep into his own, making him squirm with their intensity. He didn't even know if he should blame the alcohol for his current state... he didn't care, he just pulled the other one down to kiss him passionately on his mouth. Soubi had always felt different than any of his girlfriends, his kisses were always lovingly and soft, but it was never that _kind _of "soft" than the ones of the girls were.

As he felt the older one's lips brush over his demandingly, a sudden wave of excitement rolled through his body. Pressing his body against the other one's, he deepened the kiss, not knowing what he initiated. Soubi's tongue was already in his mouth, caressing his own, while his hands ran up and down his back. Then, suddenly and without warning, his back connected to the wall as the blonde man pressed him against it, one leg between his. Ritsuka squirmed because of another wave of erection flowing through him. It had never been like this. Not ever with Soubi nor with one of the girls. Maybe he should actually blame the alcohol. Or Soubi, for god's sake, how should he resist him when he was... that _hot_?

He didn't know when his hand had chosen to slip underneath the older man's shirt, caressing the toned muscles of his belly. It was all new to Ritsuka, not at least also the other one's definite behavior. Soubi was never like this. In any other cases, he was always just the fighter, the one that took orders and fulfilled them perfectly. He always did what Ritsuka said, though they hadn't had a fight for years, he still did, and he was never acting selfish or wishing for something. This was the first time he saw the older man do something he _wanted_ to do right now, the perception sending butterflies down his stomach, whatever that should mean...

But, on the other hand, that could also be just because of the fact that they both were drunk.

Ritsuka realized that he didn't want it that way – that he didn't even know what he wanted. He broke the kiss and shoved Soubi away a bit, breathing heavily.

„We should... go to bed now, Soubi," he panted.

The older one just nodded and turned around to pull his shirt off. Ritsuka couldn't help but stare and wonder what was up with him.

And if they should talk this over tomorrow or not.

He was scared.

* * *

**I could write on forever, but that's as far as we go for chapter 2.**

**Sorry again for the late update, I'm doing my best, and I hope you enjoyed :) Next one will be up sooner, hopefully!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**I think I'm listening to way too much Pearl Jam music lately :D I just love it... *sigh***

**oh, and of course I love Eddie Vedder... :3 :3 Btw, I think my author's notes are usually loaded with love confessions o_O **

**Enough, I've got a story to tell here, right? ;) No warnings this time, but this chapter could be a bit Ooc – and maybe not everyone might like it.

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It had never felt that weird to wake up in Soubi's arms. Ritsuka quietly sighed, happy that it was Saturday and they could sleep as long as they wanted. He could feel the taller one's body pressed against his back, warm and comforting, his cheek rested at the back of Ritsuka's head. What startled him the most, he noticed, was not the fact that they had... well _made out_ yesterday – but his messed-up feelings because of that. He had no idea how he should think about it.

Soubi switched his position slightly with a short sigh, but apparently he was still sleeping. His fragrance surrounded the younger man like it wanted to remind him every second of yesterday's happenings.

Ritsuka had never looked at the blonde man like that. He had always been his friend, his protector, his fighter – and nothing more. Carefully, the black-haired student turned around to watch Soubi sleep. His face was calm and relaxed, his breath regular. Ritsuka hadn't woken him. He tracked the delicately chiseled features of the other one with his eyes and realized that he had known Soubi as a beautiful man before, but never like he had yesterday. He had never considered him to be hot or sexually attractive. Wasn't he into girls, hadn't he been all the time?

Soubi had always been there, he had always showered the younger one with his love and affection, to the point where it was completely normal for Ritsuka. Well, was it completely normal to sleep in the other one's bed, receive a good-night-kiss every evening, cuddle whenever they were alone – but only when there wasn't any girlfriend in his life, of course?

As the older man squirmed a bit in his sleep, a blonde hair strand fell into his face, tickling his nose. He became uneasy by the disturbance. Ritsuka carefully lifted his hand to put it back behind his ear. Soubi still wore the butterfly studs he had bought for him long ago, after the zero-girls had taken the first pair away. They were as blue as the butterfly-pendant on his necklace. The young man had to smile as he thought about Kio's commentary on Soubi's pierced ears. _„I was like: 'Butterflies? Well, looks kind of gay, but suits you somehow.'" _he had said. And he was right.

Ritsuka's eyes had reached the soft, now lightly parted lips that had kissed him a thousand times – and that thousand times nothing had happened. The last one was different, though.

Would anyone ask him if he was gay, he would answer _No_ on the spot, Ritsuka was sure of that. Guys weren't attractive. His gaze was still focused on Soubi, though, and he was the perfect proof that the exception proves the rule. Soubi was undeniably attractive. When had he started to think that way about him anyway? What was up with him?

Confused and still a bit sleepy, too lazy to think about something that complicated in the early morning, he closed his eyes again. Maybe he could get some more sleep. And eventually he would find a solution for the chaos in his mind.

* * *

A sharp ray of sunlight woke Soubi as it met his eyes. After blinking into the bright light, the man noticed that Ritsuka was still laying in his arms, and he couldn't suppress a smile at this. He was apparently deeply asleep, which was no wonder thinking about yesterday's amount of alcohol. They both weren't used to it. A quick look across the bed to the clock told him that it was already late morning by now. It was time to stand up.

Ritsuka just looked plain adorable like this, he didn't even dare to wake him. Regretfully, he bent down a little to kiss him softly onto his lips. The other one's eyelids fluttered a bit, but he didn't wake up. Soubi took his chance to kiss him again, a bit longer now. The younger one's eyelids twitched again and he raised a hand to rub his eyes, which caused Soubi to smirk again. Ritsuka had always been adorable, from the first time he met him as a young teenager to the grown-up man he was now, at the age of 22. Ten years, ten long years, and with every day, he had loved him a bit more, no matter if they had spent a wonderful day or had a fight.

Much to his surprise, his sacrifice wrapped his hand around Soubi's bandaged neck, pulling him down to kiss him in response before opening his eyes. „Good morning, Soubi," he said smiling.

„Good morning, Ritsuka," he answered, pulling the other one close to bury his face into the fluffy, jet-black hair. „Have you slept well?"

„Very well," Ritsuka's voice was muffled against his chest.

„Do you want pancakes for breakfast?"

A short sigh, tickling the sensitive skin of his collarbone and lower neck. „I'd love to."

„So, will you let me go, so I can cook a few?"

The student shook his head and squeezed him tighter. Soubi chuckled. Sometimes, he still acted like a little child.

„What do I have to do to make you let me go?" he smirked.

Ritsuka pulled away a bit, his face flushed by a beautiful shade of pink. He didn't look into the older one's eyes as he mumbled shyly: „Kiss me?"

Well, that was something he hadn't to be begged twice for. He placed his fingers to the younger man's chin and tilted it up softly, but definitely, to place a kiss onto this wonderful pair of lips. Ritsuka responded immediately, sending shivers down Soubi's spine. He tried to stay calm, to keep the kiss as casual as a kiss could be, but it raised his hopes again nonetheless. How could he not hope for the day to come when Ritsuka would acknowledge his feelings for him? Because he was pretty sure that there were some.

He didn't know how Ritsuka had kissed or acted towards his girlfriends to make them say things like „I don't feel loved by you." - because Soubi definitely _felt_ loved by Ritsuka.

Regretfully pulling away from his beloved one, not without leaving another short peck to his mouth, carefully overlooking the slightly disappointed look in those beautiful, black eyes, he crawled out of the bed to make pancakes.

Not that he had any objections against Ritsuka's recent urge for a lot of body contact, but somehow, he had to control himself.

Yesterday had been part of a dream. He had always wanted to show the younger one what kind of feelings he really had for him, that his affection wasn't just... a bit of toying around with him, that he was serious. Ritsuka's answer was... interesting, to say. Soubi had no idea how he should think of his behavior that morning, combined with yesterday's.

Shaking his head in an attempt to get it clear, he stepped into the kitchen – just to find Kio sleeping on the floor. He giggled amused and knelt down to wake his friend by shaking him at his shoulder.

„Sou-chan?" Kio yawned sleepily. „Where am I for god's sake?"

„In my kitchen," Soubi answered, still amused. Kio looked awful. „On the floor, to be exact."

„Don't tell me we had a hot night, because I remember everything of yesterday and I won't believe you anyway," he smirked, eyes still closed.

„Do you think I would pretend something like that? Phew. Shame on you. Now, stand up, I want to make pancakes for us," the blonde man got to his feet again, offering his hand to Kio to help him. The other one immediately sat back down on the chair.

„Are you feeling sick?"

„Kind of... You got some coke?"

Wordlessly, Soubi stepped to the fridge to hand him a bottle of coke and a drinking glass. Kio emptied two full glasses in a row. „Now that's better," he said, leaning back to the seat back. „Anyway, is Ri-chan already awake?"

„Yes, he is."

„You had at least a hot night with him, I hope?" Kio joked.

„If you can make such jokes again, you can't be that sick," Soubi just answered. Well, had he? A sudden smile appeared on his lips. _Kind of._

Kio opened his mouth to respond again, but shut it immediately when Ritsuka stepped into the kitchen. „Good morning," he yawned.

„Morning, Ri-chan!"

„Is the kitchen floor comfortable, Kio?" Ritsuka laughed.

„Well, it was last night..." Kio grinned back. „Anyway... where are my glasses?"

* * *

Kio had left after their late breakfast, to get to his own flat and „have a long bath", he said. Ritsuka was happy that Soubi acted like always towards him, like nothing had happened yesterday. On the other hand, somehow, he wasn't. His messed-up feelings were playing tricks on him, he realized.

„Do you want to take a bath?" Soubi asked him as he placed the used plates in the sink.

„Yeah, sure," he answered, lost in thought.

„With me?"

„Of course," Ritsuka grinned and got to his feet. Their usual Saturday-afternoon-ritual of having a bath together – truly, he thought, if anyone would see their everyday life, he or she wouldn't doubt for a second that they were a couple.

Grabbing a few clothes to change from his room, the black-haired student stepped into the bathroom, where Soubi already had begun to fill the bathtub with hot water. Ritsuka put out two small stools and began to undress, which also was nothing special to them. Soubi also was quickly undressed and sitting down, waving the younger one towards him. The latter sat down, turning his back towards the blonde man to let him rinse and wash his hair.

Soubi's hands were smooth and firm as always as they worked their way through his jet-black hair strands, massaging his head and neck pleasantly. A deep sigh escaped his lips as the older one stopped to wash out the shampoo foam. But his hair was short and didn't need much care. He turned around to give the same treatment to the silky, beautiful long hair of his fighter, which surely was much more fun. This was clearly his favorite part, because he never came to touch it, except for these occasions and he frequently enjoyed every second.

Wordlessly, they stepped to the tub to relax in the hot water, Soubi leaning to the side wall while Ritsuka was sitting between his legs, leaning onto him. The older one's arms were wrapped around his waist, just as always.

And though everything was like it always had been, Ritsuka felt bothered. When Soubi's large palm came to rest on his stomach, all he could think of was how he had caressed this very spot on the older man's body yesterday. When he was supported by the other one's hand around his waist, all he could think of was the firm grip which he was yesterday pressed to the wall with. He had never thought that he could be that turned on by a simple move like that. Or maybe it was just because Soubi being selfish and demanding for the first time like... ever.

Quietly, he thanked the foam of the bath that it blocked the view through the water, so the blonde man wouldn't be able to see his erection building up between his legs. It was embarassing enough anyway to be turned on by a guy – _well, not any guy,_ Ritsuka corrected himself in his mind,_ by Soubi. _That actually was a difference to him.

Should it go on like this forever? Should he wait until the memory wasn't that fresh again? Should he let it trouble him all this time until then?

_No._

„Soubi, can we talk about yesterday?" Ritsuka knew his voice was shaking, but he had dared to ask at least.

„Sure why not? What's up?"

„Just one thing. What the hell was up with us yesterday?"

„Well, we were obviously drunk," Soubi grinned, his hand running along the other one's stomach. „And what should I do but take advantage of that situation – though I have to admit it was pretty intentional yesterday." A short kiss was placed to Ritsukas neck, making him shiver.

„You know, Ritsuka-" the blonde added, but was interrupted by the younger one.

„Yes, I know, just don't say it."

They both knew why.

* * *

_He came home early that day. It was the day of his last exam, and though he had counted on his fellow students to have a big party that day, well – they didn't. Everybody went back home, just happy to finally not have to learn any more, at least for a while. So Ritsuka also had gone home, just stopped by at the convenience store to buy a few things to eat._

_His usual „Soubi, I'm home!" wasn't answered when he stepped through the entrance door and kicked his shoes off. That very moment, he had sensed that something was wrong._

_At this time of the day, Soubi was always painting, working on his latest project. He had to be home._

_The next thing that startled him was the fact that the door to the blonde man's room was closed – it never was, usually. The black-haired student carefully knocked at the door._

„_Soubi?" - No answer, again, but definitely a few noises from inside the room._

_They never had secrets from one another, that had stopped years ago. They talked about everything. It had worked perfectly that way for years._

_Ritsuka was completely shocked when he opened the door and found Soubi laying in the bed, half-naked – which wasn't the problem, he had seen him several times like that, but - definitely not alone. „What... are- are you kidding me?" he asked stunned._

„_Ritsuka, please listen-" the older one broke off when the blanket was lifted and another guy appeared. Ritsuka stared wordlessly at him. He had jet-black hair and strangely enough, his haircut was pretty similar to his own._

_Now what the hell should that be? He felt completely toyed and fooled around with. Soubi had seriously... dated a guy that looked a bit like him to have sex with him? Rage built up in his chest, uncomfortably urging for release, and he had no clue how to deal with the situation, though one thing was clear – that man had to go._

_He shot an ice-cold look at the stranger. „Grab your stuff and be gone," he hushed dangerously calm. „And never, ever, dare to meet Soubi again or you'll regret it."_

„_Ritsuka, I can explain everything..." the blonde tried again, but his roommate didn't answer, until that guy had left their flat._

„_Seriously, Soubi? That guy? Why, for god's sake? Why?"_

_Soubi sighed heavily. „I'm sorry, but sometimes, I'm just a man, you know."_

„_And why did you never-" No, didn't fit here. The older one had told him thousands of times that he loved him. But that way? „And you say you love me?"_

„_Well, in fact I do, but you-"_

„_But you can't just solve the problem that way!"_

„_What should I have done then?" Soubi asked back, twisting the blanket between his fingers, still laying there naked._

„_I don't know, but... but – well, just to let you know: I do never want to hear from you that you love me. Never. That's an order, you hear me?"_

_Soubi had nodded.

* * *

_

Soubi was sure that Ritsuka had thought of the same scene as he felt him twitch in his embrace. Squeezing him tightly, he placed his chin onto the younger one's shoulder and enjoyed the feeling of the damp black hair on his cheek as Ritsuka cocked his head to the side, resting their heads together.

„I'm still sorry," the blonde man whispered softly. He knew it had hurt and it had been two years since then – and he had been really desperate that time – but he could never make this up to Ritsuka.

„It's okay," the student answered quietly.

„And although it is still you that I-" his mouth was sealed by the other one's index finger.

„Don't you dare! That order is still valid!" Ritsuka answered and with that, he placed a short peck on the older one's mouth, which confused Soubi even more.

„Ritsuka, have you ever been in love?" he asked sighing.

„Well, yes, I think so."

„To the point where you can't think of anything or anyone else, where your stomach is filled with butterflies, you can't sit down for just a minute, can't concentrate, can't sleep, can't eat when the other one is around?"

„No, not to that extent..."

„Well, I have been and still am," Soubi said before the other one could protest and kissed his neck playfully. It wasn't against the order. He hadn't used _the L-word_.

Ritsuka turned around, his face flushed deeply red. He had obviously also noted the lag in the matrix. His gaze was indifferent. „So, what should I say to something like that? You'll never give up, will you?"

Soubi shook his head, smiling warmly. No, he would never give up, the young man was worth it – the wait, the nerves, the time, the opportunities. He was the only one for him. Ritsuka's jealousy back then had shown pretty well that he was allowed to still have hope.

The student sighed before looking deep into his eyes. „Soubi, you deserve so much better than me. I don't even know if I'm gay. I can't imagine what sex is like between two guys. I don't know if I could give you what you want. And I don't want to ruin our friendship."

The blonde man simply bent down, pulled Ritsuka towards him and kissed him long and lovingly. The kiss was innocent, yet filled with passion – and he knew that the young man couldn't do anything else than reciprocate it. It was that kind of kiss that still made him fall in love with the other one all over again. And it took a while before they parted again, staring at each other, wondering about the situation they just shared.

„Do friends share kisses like this just... _like that_?" Soubi whispered, his eyes clouded.

„Are we just friends?" Ritsuka asked back winking.

„Well, friends with benefits, I would say."

„That sounds just wrong."

„I don't think so," the blonde man chuckled. „What would you call it?"

„Seriously... I have no clue what I should think about it. I'm so confused, Soubi."

The older one just pulled Ritsuka, who was all lost in thought, towards him and kissed him again, short but lovingly. „You have all the time you want, I always told you. I will wait and I will always be there for you."

„Thank you," the black-haired man hushed, before it was his turn to wrap his hand around the taller one's neck and pull him down for a kiss. But Soubi pulled back right before their lips touched.

„And if it's just about the fact that you can't imagine what it's like to have sex with a guy – I think I can help you out."

* * *

**You might be shocked by this, I know – but I wanted a good reason for the order of never saying „I love you" again. And yes, I wanted to have Soubi a bit more selfish. In the end, he was the one who watched the girls come and go in Ritsuka's life, and he was frustrated and desperate. And he's just a man and not stupid (-what a contradictory sentence, lol).**

**Ritsuka on the other hand: obviously jealous and doesn't want to see it (yet). And curious. Not stupid either, but tries to believe in his heterosexuality to the end ^^**

**I think, Soubi has to work a bit harder to convince him... ;) Let's see what the next chapter might bring *hrhr***


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

**Right at the beginning, I want to send out a big **_**Thank you!**_** to everyone who subscribed, favorited and/or reviewed this story, I feel honored *bows* I'm glad that you like it, I love to read your suggestions (there were a few that surprised and inspired me all the same! :D), so please feel free to write more :)**

**Warnings: Yaoi, Lemon, aw yeah :3

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„And if it's just about the fact that you can't imagine what it's like to have sex with a guy – I think I can help you out."

Ritsuka's eyes snapped open in surprise. Was he serious?

„Soubi... I don't want to have sex with you just like that. Don't get me wrong, but... as long as I don't know what's up with me, how could I raise your hopes – maybe – for the wrong reasons? I feel bad enough anyway," he stared into the water. Soubi's beautiful blue eyes were the last thing he could stand now.

„I'm sorry, Ritsuka," the other one quietly responded, „If I can help you anyway, please let me know, okay?"

The black-haired student nodded thoughtfully, before he bent forward to wrap his arms around the taller man and snuggle into his chest. He felt Soubi's hand absently caress his hair while he added some hot water to the tub. It had become pretty cold during their conversation.

The other one's palm ran through his hair, again and again. He knew the blonde man loved to do that, but it made him feel uncomfortable. It always raised a certain question.

„May I ask you something?"

„Yes, of course you may." Another stroke through his hair.

„What were you thinking and feeling that one morning after I lost my ears?"

The moves stopped. „Honestly?"

„Of course."

Soubi's hand fell down on the other one's left shoulder as he rested his chin on the right one. „I think I have never been more angry, frustrated and disappointed than on that day."

Ritsuka swallowed heavily. He had already known the answer, but hearing it... „I'm sorry," he whispered, crestfallen.

„No, I wasn't angry because of you. It was my own fault. I should have told you long ago... and maybe gotten serious long ago - then this whole story might have turned out differently. Taking your ears was always something I thought of being my privilege one day, you know," the older man admitted, his voice calm and quiet. He blamed everything on him, as always.

The black-haired student shook his head. „No, that's not fair, you can't say it like that."

„Then what else?"

Ritsuka lifted his head and his eyes locked with the other one's. „That maybe I'm the one who hurt you?"

The blonde man's gaze was indifferent. He was obviously speechless, waiting for the younger one to continue.

„I mean... I had several girlfriends, but you, all this time, had one opportunity – we both know which one that was – and I threw him right out. That was neither fair nor respectful of me. You know that I don't want to be like Seimei-"

„You're definitely not," Soubi interrupted him.

„But back then, I acted just like him, and this is also part of why I feel so bad for it. Like I said, you deserve someone better than me. I'm so sorry. I don't want to toy around with you, keeping your hopes up just to tell you one day that it wouldn't work between us. I can't do that."

„Then I want to ask you for a favor, if I may."

„Yes?"

„Ritsuka, I'm just a man and I also have urges," the older one began, „and if even you don't want to go on like this, then all I'd want to ask of you is one night. Just one night. Just to try it."

The black-haired student eyed him curiously. Yes, he was intrigued. It wasn't 'toying around' with Soubi if he wanted it that way, right? And they were both mature enough to not ruin their friendship with something like that. They shared a lot of intimacy anyway, they were used to seeing themselves naked and to kissing each other. There wasn't much to take that last step. At least that was what he was telling himself over and over.

„Starting now?" he simply asked back after a short while.

Soubi nodded before pulling him abruptly upwards, surprising him with the hottest, most intense kiss he had ever got. It literally took his breath away as the blonde's lips captured his own, sucking at his bottom lip, the other one's tongue tucking impatiently against his teeth, begging for entrance. His fighter's tongue was warm and slippery, but gently as it swirled around his own, making him squirm as he realized how much this turned him on. Gasping for air, he pulled away, already panting heavily. His erection was pulsating heavily between his legs.

The expression on Soubi's face was priceless. Those wonderful lips were lightly parted by now, his delicately chiseled features relaxed and altogether aroused, his blue eyes sparkling exited. He was downright sexy.

„In that case... I'm sorry, Ritsuka, but I can't control myself any longer. It's been so long for me, and now that-"

„Well, I said yes, so that's no problem," the student nodded reassuringly.

„But if I do anything you don't like, please tell me and I'll stop. Okay?"

Ritsuka nodded again. Soubi quickly pulled him back into his lap, looking up at him. Giggling, the younger one bent down to give him a longing kiss. What Soubi didn't know was the fact that it had been a while for Ritsuka as well – his last girlfriend had not had very much time for him during the past weeks and he was unintentionally abstinent himself. This would be fun, in its own way, he was sure of that.

The older one's hands that had run over his body all the time finally had reached his crotch. He arched his back into the touch, wanting nothing more than Soubi's hand around his member. But the other one had clearly decided to tease him today.

When Ritsuka broke the kiss to look into Soubi's eyes, the blonde man whispered: „The bathtub isn't that comfortable. Let's got to my room instead."

The black-haired student got to his feet and stepped out of the tub, drying himself with a fresh towel. He was fully aware of the older man's gaze, that was focused on his fully erect member. He couldn't hide it anyway. When Soubi pulled the plug and stepped towards him, Ritsuka handed him his own towel. Quickly, he was finished and waited for the older one, who tossed the towel aside in no time, grabbing his hand to drag him to his room.

Before he could blink, Ritsuka felt tossed onto the blonde's bed. Soubi stood in front of him, eyeing him with clouded eyes. His chest rose and fell rapidly as he enjoyed the view of naked Ritsuka spread out on his bed. The black-haired man's eyes tracked the other one's body as well, the muscular, but slender torso, strong arms and narrow hips, down to his twitching member that was aroused just like his own. Soubi was truly a beautiful, sexy man in every way.

Finally, the other one bent down and covered Ritsuka's body with his own, parting the student's legs with his left thigh. Many hot kisses followed, right onto his mouth that longed for caress. Soubi's lips were gentle and seductive at the same time, leaving him wanting to be touched _down there_ even more. He thought he would burst any second because of his huge level of arousal.

Ritsuka had never thought of being on the receiving end while having sex – he had always been the man, for obvious reasons. But with Soubi, there was no question about it. He had no experience in that matters, so he went with the flow, allowing himself to be swept away by his partner's movements.

Soubi's lips tracked the line of his jaw and neck now, sucking lightly at the sensitive skin right above his collar bone, which made him squirm with need. Ritsuka couldn't prevent a hot moan escaping his lips when he also felt the older one's fingers tracing his chest, caressing his nipples softly.

„Do you like it?" Soubi hushed quietly against his ear.

„Yes, very much," he answered whispering.

„Do you want more?"

„Yes... I do..."

„Then tell me what I should do," the blonde man smirked.

Ritsuka's eyes snapped wide open. „You want me to say it?"

Soubi nodded, a wide grin on his face. In the end, it had always been his nature to receive orders, the younger one realized.

„Please stroke my cock," the black-haired student begged silently, his face blushing deeply. Actually, it was pretty arousing to speak things like that out loud.

The other one bent down to sit between his thighs, reaching down with his right hand and closing it around his pulsating member. Ritsuka groaned uncontrolled when the other one started to pump, up and down, painfully slow, but it felt too good to complain about it. He had to restrain himself from jerking upwards into Soubi's palm.

„More?" the blonde asked.

„Blow me," Ritsuka panted, „please, if you don't mind," he added.

Soubi smiled silently and bent down, licking the shaft of the younger one's cock carefully first before swirling his tongue around the head. As he proceeded by engulfing it completely with his hot, wet mouth, Ritsuka moaned again.

„Oh my god, Soubi-" he sighed lustfully. „That feels so good..."

The blonde man looked up at him. „Have you never received a blowjob before?"

„Well, I did, but Kotoko didn't like giving one, so... it had been a while."

„Don't mention her right now, please," Soubi drew his mouth to a disgusted expression.

„Oh - I'm really sorry!" Ritsuka quickly responded, running his hand through his partner's still damp hair apologizing.

„It's okay." - With that, the other one continued sucking him off, gently bopping his head up and down between the younger one's thighs, sending wonderful sensations through Ritsuka's body. He felt his orgasm boiling up in his neither regions and he thought he wouldn't last any longer. His erection was almost aching by now, though Soubi's amazing caressing - but also because of Soubi's amazing caressing. He needed to come badly and he would have loved to do so just now... though...

„Soubi, stop," he panted. „Stop, please!"

The older one looked up to him once again. „Is everything alright?" he asked worriedly.

„Yes, it's just... you almost made me come."

Soubi chuckled huskily. „I wouldn't have minded."

„No, I... I want you to also... you know... I want to do something for you, too."

„Well in that case, what about a 69?"

„No objections," Ritsuka answered smirking.

The older man lay down beside him, his head beside the black-haired student's hips. „Roll over."

Placing his knees on both sides ob Soubi's upper body, Ritsuka bent down to give his cock the same treatment he had gotten before. Stroking it carefully before bending down to suck it lightly, he almost didn't notice when the other one closed his palm around his own member again. And gasped for air when he felt Soubi's other hand placed onto his balls, massaging them carefully, while his index finger landed very near to his entrance. If he just reached up a bit... and he did.

The following sensation really took his breath away, Ritsuka almost forgot to continue sucking Soubi's cock, which muffled his hot groan. The vibration of his voice on the other hand caused the other one's member to twitch in his mouth. It felt so very, very good. God, he really had missed out on a lot during the past years.

Suddenly, the touches stopped as Soubi reached out to his bedside table, opening the drawer and grabbing some lubricant and condoms. Eyeing him over his shoulder, Ritsuka watched his partner spreading the fluid over his fingers. The mere prospect of what was to come up made him squirm with need and longing. He engulfed Soubi's cock with his mouth again, waiting for the following touch.

As the blonde man's index finger rubbed small circles around his anus, he almost couldn't suppress another groan. He didn't need much more stimulation than that, it occupied all his senses already.

„May I?" Soubi asked.

„Yes, you may. Do it, please."

And he felt the fingertip pushing inside of him and couldn't do anything else than moan loudly in response. The feeling was strange and new, but also incredibly intense – and made him horny as hell. He quickly adjusted to the feeling, signalizing Soubi with a short nod to go on. The first finger was shoved inside of him slowly, very slowly, and by the time it was all the way in, he had become a panting, longing mess, wanting nothing more than release. His legs were shaking.

The first thrusts made him gasp for air and moan again. Was this something he could get used to? Definitely yes.

After a short while, Ritsuka felt the finger being withdrawn, which resulted in a frustrated squirm. But it was immediately replaced with two fingers. The stretching pain was minor to almost not notable, due to the huge level of arousal the young man had reached by now. He wanted so much more than just Soubi's fingers by now. Still trembling, he restarted to stroke the older one's member again. He wanted Soubi to really feel that he wanted him, wanted him so much.

„Aaaah," he moaned as Soubi's fingers met his prostate for the first time, sending him almost off the edge. His head dropped down to rest on the older one's thigh, as he tried to regain control over his body.

„Soubi... please. I want you now."

„You do?" the blonde man teased.

„Yes. I want you and only you," he answered. The fingers were removed and he quickly turned around to reach for the condoms that lay loosely on the bedsheets. Soubi squirmed as he covered his member with one of them, obviously also highly aroused by now, before he spread some more lubricant on it.

Ritsuka felt pressed into the pillows by the older one's strong hands in no time. Soubi's body covered his own once again as he lined his cock up with the younger man's entrance. The latter pushed down to meet his move impatiently. As the head slipped in, he sighed quietly.

„Does it hurt?" Soubi also panted heavily by now.

The student just shook his head in response. „No, it feels just awesome. Go on."

Soubi worked his way deeper inside, ever so slowly, waiting for Ritsuka to adjust to the sensation every time he felt the younger one clench and squirm beneath his body.

Finally, the black-haired young man felt the other one's manhood fully inside himself. He gasped for breath again by the intensity. This was a position he had always thought as being reserved for women – and now he found himself laying underneath Soubi like this. Not that he would mind. When Soubi began to pull out and push back in slowly for the first time, he decided that sex with women had never nearly been like that. He arched his back to meet his partner's move again and again, swept away by his feelings. It was amazing to lay his body into his friend's hands like that and there wasn't anyone else he would like to share that with than Soubi.

Ritsuka opened his eyes again and they immediately locked with the blonde man's. The aroused expression in his face turned the younger one on even more. He had never experienced anything like this. Soubi bent down kiss him for a long time once more, their lips meeting in a longing, hot dance, which revealed well enough how close they both already were to the point of no return.

The older one broke the kiss, his beautiful blue eyes meeting Ritsuka's once more. „I can't hold up much longer," he admitted, coughing.

„Then come," Ritsuka equally panted. „Come with me..."

He was so close. It only needed one more thrust of Soubi to send him over the edge and he cried out loud as his climax shook his body. Ritsuka felt the waves of pleasuring satisfaction rolling through him again and again. In that very moment, Soubi collapsed down on him, moaning Ritsuka's name loudly, over and over, and he felt the other one's cock twitch within his body. Breathlessly, they stayed like that for a while, arms wrapped firmly around each other as they calmed down from their sweet, satisfactory orgasms.

When Soubi pulled out of him, Ritsuka sighed quietly. The move almost made him long for a second round. A thought stroke his mind as he looked at the older man on top of him.

Was this what he wanted?

Well, it was definitely Soubi whom he wanted. More than anything else in this world. There was no other man he wanted to share such intimate moments with. There was no other man or woman that gave him so much butterflies entangling his stomach when he looked at him or her. There was no one else as beautiful and sexy as Soubi.

Ritsuka reached upwards to caress his partner's cheek with his right hand. He felt his stomach clench and his heart almost burst from the intensity of Soubi's gaze. „I love you," the student whispered, smiling gently. There was no doubt about his feelings for his friend.

Soubi smiled, raising one eyebrow, asking for permission silently. The black-haired man just nodded.

„I love you too, Ritsuka - so much. More than everything else, more than my life, more than I could ever put into words. You just made me the happiest person in the world. Thank you so much." The older one bent down to kiss him. It was a different kiss than the ones before. Soubi laid everything he felt into this one, all his caring, his happiness, his love. Ritsuka practically melt away at that kiss.

„May I ask you to stay with me? Forever? Despite everything that happened?" the young man asked as they finally parted after a long while.

„Of course you may. Because I will stay with you anyway," Soubi smiled lovingly at him. „And I think we can go right back to the bathroom," he chuckled as he looked down their bodies.

„I'd like to," Ritsuka laughed. He had never been any more happy in his whole life. This was what he wanted. He had apparently just needed a hint into the right direction.

* * *

**So, that's chapter 4, my friends. It's pretty PWP at times, I hope you don't mind. And I hope you liked the lemon? ;)**

**I'm not done, though, there are actually a few thinks I still want to write, so stay tuned! **


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

**Okay, guys, I'm so, so very, very sorry for the way too long delay of updates. I had this written out almost entirely, and then - „How I met your mother", season one and two, came around. God, I think there will be a fic around somewhere sometime soon... *whistles***

**Warnings: some fluffy stuff, I guess. And a fight scene.

* * *

**

_It's unbelievable how much things can change within a single day_, Soubi thought when he was woken by the rising sun. After blinking into the light, his gaze fell down onto the black-haired young man in his arms. Ritsuka was still sleeping save and sound, his regular breath tickling the older one's neck. He still couldn't wrap his mind around yesterday's happenings. He still had no idea what kind of conclusion he should draw from them.

Gently, he ran his hand through the fluffy, jet-black hair, which stood to all directions. Ritsuka's face looked deeply relaxed. Hadn't he always dreamed about a morning like this? Well, about a night like yesterday's? A small, quiet smile escaped his lips. Soubi felt happy, so very happy, more than he ever could think of in his whole life.

Of course there had been a certain situation, but it was different than this time. Five years ago...

* * *

_Seimei looked down on Ritsuka, who hadn't still reached his height. „Come with me, Ritsuka, and you won't regret anything. Get rid of this dog-" he waved snidely at Soubi, who stood protectively behind the black-haired boy, one arm wrapped around the smaller one's waist, „- and begin a new life with me! We could be together, just like we had been all this years before. Wasn't that what you always wanted?"_

_Stunned and speechless, Ritsuka had eyed his older brother. Was he serious? After all he had done – faking his death, kidnapping Kio, have them fight against Bloodless, which was one of the toughest battles they ever had – and now he pretended that everything was alright? After ruining their family with his selfish behavior?_

_Ritsuka looked at Seimei, but he couldn't see him any more at the same time. That person, that had once been his caring, loving big brother, had turned to this. He knew that something inside of him had already been hurt many times – to be exact, every time when he had met Seimei since his „death", every time when he heard once more from other persons what he had done to them or planned, everytime he saw the scar on Soubi's body – but now, it was over. Whatever it was, it broke, and it hurt deeply. The pain in his chest was sharp and became increasingly dull and pulsating. There was so much anger buried within him, so much frustration. He had had to suffer so much because of Seimei._

_The older one of the Aoyagi-brothers smiled confidently. A smile that just proved how megalomaniac and overweening he had become, how cruel and calculating he had always been. „Soubi..." he began, looking at the tall blonde man who had once been his fighter._

_Did he intend to give Soubi an order now? Seemed like that. Just who the hell did he think he was? _

„_Don't you dare!" Ritsuka spat out, glaring at Seimei warningly with narrowed eyes._

„_What, do you think he won't follow my orders any more?" the other one laughed out loud, a evil, hard laughter that was nothing like the friendly, amused laughter of his that Ritsuka remembered._

„_No. Because I am his sacrifice now and he will follow my orders," Ritsuka answered definitely._

_The older one stopped laughing abruptly. „Oh, now that's something new to hear from you," he responded with an ironic undertone. „I am still his master, did you forget?"_

„_You are no longer the one to decide that. I am his master, because you tossed him aside like a used paper tissue, because you didn't care about him, because you never, ever, respected his feelings! Oh, Seimei, you should be so ashamed of yourself!" Ritsuka shouted angrily. His head had become flaming red from all his rage. He didn't know where he got the courage from to say all this, but if he had just a little more, he would have beaten the shit out of Seimei._

„_Don't you ever _dare_ to give him an order again! He's _mine_!" he added, shouting even louder._

_Then he had felt Soubi's hands on his shoulders. „Ritsuka..." he just said softly, „Look!" and he held his right hand out to his young sacrifice. A thin, almost not notable string was emerging from his palm – he had seen it before, at the Shichisei school. He traced it with his eyes, down to the floor, but it found its way back up – and ended in his own right hand. Ritsuka liftet it, just to see the string wrapped through his fingers, glimmering and shining. As he turned his palm he could see a few, pale letters on his wrist, and as he watched, they slowly turned out to become a name. His name. _Loveless_. Wrapped around his wrist._

_He looked up to Soubi's wrist and sudden, overwhelming joy filled his heart. It was no longer his name – it was _their_ name._

_Ritsuka's gaze fell onto Seimei again, who had followed the situation quietly, but obviously had also noticed pretty well what had happened. His face had turned to stone, his eyebrows forming a deep wrinkle between his eyes._

„_Nisei!" he shouted harshly. The creepy guy that had stood behind him all the time stepped forward._

„_**My name is Beloved. Loveless, I challenge you to a battle which will be fought with spells."**_

„_**I accept," **__Soubi answered, his deep voice confident as he pulled Ritsuka backwards, into his arms, while pulling the bandage from his neck with the other hand. The battle aura spread around them._

„_Kiss me," he whispered into the younger one's ear._

_The black-haired boy had reached upwards – which wasn't that much anymore, as he had grown to an impressive height himself by that time – and pulled his fighter down to kiss him lovingly. Despite the shocked shouts of Seimei and Nisei, they had shared a deep, loving kiss. After pulling away, he answered: „Soubi, I want him to be _destroyed_. Do as you wish."_

„_Yes, master," the blonde man had answered with a smile. __**„Nothing will defeat me. My power is unlimited. The enemy's attacks will faint to nothing before they even reach me. Nothing can harm me."**_

_Powerspells, Ritsuka noticed._

_Nisei laughed. His voice was just as cruel as his master's, as he began. „You think that would protect you? I will prove you wrong! __**Perforation! Sharp, poisoned needles penetrate your skin!"**_

_Thousands of needles clashed to the floor at the invisible shield Soubi had created. __**„Arise and sharpen, needles. Multiply! Return fast, with the speed of light, too fast for eyes to see!" **__And the needles flew towards the Beloved-couple like a cluster of hornets, and before Nisei could think of a spell to protect them, Seimei's hands were restricted with handcuffs. Blood dripped from his cheek.  
_

„_You'll regret that," he panted, „__**Separate those two that weren't meant for each other!"**_

„_**Stop!" **__Soubi raised his hand, stopping the oncoming force, „__**Return! Separate the one who choose a second fighter from his not intended!" - **_while still having one, _Ritsuka added in his mind._

„_**Restriction!" **__the blonde fighter added, which caused Seimei to fall down to his knees, his feet and neck now also chained to his hands. _That one backfired.

„_**You will fall down before me. You will see your worst nightmares. You will remember the most horrible situation of your life. You will meet your darkest fantasies," **__Nisei responded. __**„I am the darkness, and you will be engulfed by me, without hope for being saved."**_

_Ritsuka's eyes fell shut and his mother appeared before him, raising her arms to hit him, while she opened her mouth to shout at him..._

_Instead, he heard a different, deeper, male voice. „Ritsuka! Stay with me! Open your eyes!"_

_Suddenly, the dark-haired boy felt a heavy chain pulling at his arms. „Sorry," Soubi whispered, „I couldn't prevent it." _

„_It's okay, just give them the rest."_

„_Should they forget?"_

_Ritsuka thought about it. Seimei should forget, yes, forget about all his plans, his ability as a sacrifice – but that would also mean forgetting who Ritsuka was. If that was necessary-_

„_Yes, they should."_

_Soubi nodded only slightly. __**„I order your memory to faint to nothing. You don't know who you are, you are nameless. You will never regain it again. You will forget about being fighter and sacrifice, you will forget about everything concerning Seven Moons," **__he whispered to Seimei and his new fighter. Both collapsed on the floor. „__**Defeat!" **__the blonde man shouted once more, and the fighting aura fainted away._

_Grass was under their feet again, as Soubi reached into his pocket to put his glasses back on. The Beloved-couple lay on the lawn, unconscious. „They will never know again who they are, who they were, or who they ever intended to be. Come on, let's go home – you don't want to see him like that ever again."_

_They had walked home together, hand in hand, and they didn't care about the people looking at them.

* * *

_

After hearing from their latest fight, Ritsu himself had thought it over. He later came to the conclusion that Soubi might have not been a blank fighter – that his bonds to Seimei just had worked out because he was blood-related to Ritsuka, his real sacrifice. He had had to grave his name into Soubi's skin by using a knife, which also never was equal to naturally appearing names. Lost in thought, the blonde man reached upwards to his neck. The „Beloved"-letters had vanished, leaving just almost not notable scars. He still wore the bandage, though, because of the scars. Ritsuka didn't care about them any more, because he was still able to call him, and then the Loveless-sign would appear on his wrist, filigree and soft and not hurting at all._ That's the way it was intended to be._

And although they had regained the strenght of a natural fighting couple – which was also part of the reason why they had defeated Nisei and Seimei that easily, once their bounds were founded - they hadn't fought again since that one last time.

Both chose that they rather liked living their life as normal people. Ritsu had sighed regretfully, but his opinion wasn't relevant in Soubi's eyes anyway.

And here they lay, in Soubi's bed, arm in arm, and they finally had come to terms. The blonde man smiled to himself. He decided to wake Ritsuka. Cupping the younger one's face in his hands, he pulled him upwards, kissing him gently onto his lips, once, twice, until Ritsuka's eyelids began to flutter. As he recognized Soubi, he smiled and gave him a peck to his lips.

„Good morning, _honey_," Soubi teased him, smiling maliciously.

„Good morning, Soubi, and don't call me 'honey'," Ritsuka laughed.

„So I'm not allowed to call you by a term of endearment?" he playfully drew his face to a disappointed expression.

„Do you need to call me by a special name? I'm your boyfriend anyway."

Soubi smiled again. „Oh, I am?"

„Of course you are," the black-haired student responded, seeming a bit puzzled. „After last night, what else should we be than a couple?"

The older man bent down to pull their bodies close and kiss him lovingly. He allowed his tongue a short, innocent tug at Ritsuka's teeth and a quick encounter with his tongue before he backed away again. „Thank you, I just needed to hear that from you."

„Don't worry, I understand," the younger one answered as he cuddled into Soubi's chest.

„Are you hungry?" the blonde asked after a brief time.

Ritsuka nodded against his chest before he wound himself out of his arms. „I'll go and get some, because today's my turn, right?" he winked.

Sighing, Soubi let himself fall back into the pillows as he watched his lover walk out of the room. He hadn't bothered to put on a robe or underwear or... just anything. Well, the view onto the younger one's ass was good enough to not mind at all, Soubi stated to himself. As he heard the muffled sound of plates being put out of the cupboard, of the fridge being opened and closed again, he thought of yesterday. Ritsuka had been so full of energy that he was even able to convince him to a second round – not that he needed much power of persuasion anyway – which resulted in another little session in the bathroom. Non-penetrative this time, but nonetheless equally hot, they had satisfied each other again before they reached the bathtub. Deeply satisfied and exhausted, they had fell into their bed that evening.

And now Ritsuka stood before him, naked and with two plates in his hands – Soubi couldn't decide which part was the most delicious of this view. Stirred eggs lay were arranged on the plates, their delicious smell making his stomach grumble.

* * *

While the couple still sat in bed and had a simple sunday breakfast, they didn't take their time with it. Not that time was short, not that anyone would come to visit them, not that... anything was about to happen, but – the fact that sitting in the bed with a plate in one hand and chopsticks in the other one kept you away from touching your partner was enough to make them hurry.

As soon as he had finished his plate, Ritsuka was back snuggling into Soubi's chest. Maybe it was just the craziness of last night's happenings, today's happenings or just Soubi in his entirety, but he was almost dizzy from happiness. He had had several relationships. Several _beginnings_ of relationships therefore, but it had never been like this. Not this intense and close. It seemed like nothing hat changed, in a way, and yet everything had.

Soubi's lips were smothering his with kisses again, in a way only the blonde man could. Ritsuka quickly lay on top of the older one, pressing him down onto the mattress while straddling his legs with his own thigh. He pressed it carefully against his lover's crotch, enjoying the look of Soubi being turned on by that simple move. And the feeling of the other one's boner on his thigh... While he was stunningly beautiful in normal life, the blonde man was amazingly hot the way he lay there. There were much more things than just kissing and dry humping that Ritsuka wanted to do to him...

The young man broke the kiss as he realized the range of his thoughts. He had actually... really... well, it didn't feel to bad. „Soubi," he cleared his throat at noticing the other one's confusion, „I just wondered if it'd be okay if I... you know... would also try the active part once... if you're okay with that, of course."

Soubi just stared at him in surprise, his soft, seductive lips parted lightly. „Well, I..." he broke off, speechless.

The black-haired student bent down to whisper in his ear. „I'm just a man as you are – and I love you." His lover sighed quietly as this sentence was followed by Ritsuka's hips shoving down on his and the younger one's teeth carefully tracking the line down his earlobe and neck.

„If you play nice?" Soubi asked with a half-smirk on his lips. „And be gentle?"

„Of course I will," Ritsuka responded, smiling down at the older one. „What else..." The sentence was cut off by another passionate kiss. The younger man's hands tracked the other one's body, every single inch of skin and toned muscles he could reach, every sensible spot he could remember. Soubi's breath fastened and his heart beat reached a way higher pace. Ritsuka felt it all, the older one's body trembling underneath his, the passion blurring his senses...

A sharp ringing disturbed them. The doorbell.

„If that's Kio, he'll be in for a long and painful death," Soubi growled while rolling out of the bed, slipping on his morning gown. Despite the frustration this scene ensued, his younger lover on the bed couldn't suppress an amused smile. That was the man he loved just how he loved him. He heard the clicking sound of the door handle, followed by Kio's voice. And a very grumpy answer by Soubi. _His _Soubi.

* * *

**Once again: sorry, sorry, sorry.**

**And another sorry for the poorly written fight scene. I don't like it the way it is, though I can't write it any better. First fight scene I wrote anyway, and I had no idea how to approach this – Soubi is really good at responding to other fighters and destroying them with their own weapons, but on the other hand, there's Nisei – who has a very unique and psychological way of fighting. And I have to admit, I kind of haven't figured out his ways yet. I did my best, anyway, and I hope you enjoyed.**

**I think I'll write another chapter before this will come to an end :) And I love to mess up the generic uke/seme-roles, yes *hrhr***

**So far :)**


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